Everyone, well almost everyone has some sort of fetish. Whether they admit it or not is another story. A fetish can be big or it can be small. It can be the smell of scented candles or satin sheets or it can be hot wax and a whip. Simply put, a fetish is something that makes sex more fun for you. Without it you feel much less excited. In some cases you may not even be willing or able to have sex without your fetish being part of it. That is a little unhealthy and you might want to seek some help if you have broken some part of your psyche with a sexual deviation like that. Wanting is OK, needing is a bit much. Let’s assume you are mentally ready for some kink and proceed.
So how do we explore a fetish without danger of becoming THAT guy? It’s easy. Start by being honest with yourself and figure out what really turns you on. We’ve all watched porn and at some point something on the screen made your heart beat just a little faster, right? What was it? Guys, don’t say two chicks. That is not a fetish! That is a desire to have sex with two women. Not a fetish but nice try. Was it something they said, something they were wearing or something they did? Was it the location they were having sex? Something about the actors? Hair color can be a fetish believe it or not. Sure sex with a blonde is great but if redheads are what gets you hot then only a ginger is going to make it extra special for you. That’s perfectly fine if that is what you’re into. It would be good to find out before you marry a brunette though, just sayin’. Whatever your kink, embrace it, enjoy it and own it. That is where your sexual satisfaction will come from
Once you know your personal kink it’s important to share it with your partner. They are NOT mind readers so don’t expect them to just know you like to be spanked or a certain type of dirty talk. Open up and share a little of what you are wanting. Share slowly if it’s a big one. I mean if you want to dress up like Hitler and spank your partner until they cry then you are going to have to work up to that over time. Same might be true with Shrimping. Some people are going to be a little uneasy with that at first but some sexy stockings, heels and a foot massage are a good way to get them OK with you playing with their feet. Once you can tell it turns them on then stick a toe in your mouth and see where that takes you. You did not get to where you are overnight so don’t expect your partner to either.
The second thing you have to do is find out what your partners fetish is. If you’re lucky and/or where honest on your eHarmony profile then you found someone with your same fetish. This still doesn’t wan that you are always on the same page so be aware of your partners desires and try to accommodate them as much as possible. If you have a partner who really HATES your fetish then walk away if they can’t accept and embrace it. You will never really be happy and giving up something that is important to you will always and I mean always make you resent them for it down the road. That sounds harsh but it’s true and you know it.
Now, let’s assume you have an open minded partner and they are willing to explore your fetish. What is the best way to let them in on your kink without freaking them out? PORN! You’ve gotta love porn, right? Find a movie or scene that features something you want to try. Again, start slowly if possible. The great thing about porn is your partner can see exactly how it’s done and better yet, other people do it and like it. This makes your fetish seem much more normal. Somebody put up good money to make a movie about what turns you on. They didn’t do that just for you. It must have mass appeal, right? NORMAL! As your partner warms up to your kinky side you can explore it deeper and have more fun. You will know when they are ready for more so don’t rush things. Have fun at this stage. This is new and exciting for them and you can experience it with them for the first time. How great is that?
If you ARE the partner and are trying to wrap your head around your partners sudden desire to have hot way poured over the genitals or something try to keep an open mind. It’s easy to judge but hard to understand. If this is someone you have know for a long time then you know they are a good person. Wanting to be spanked or dominated does not make them a bad person. It just means they desire something extra-ordinary. That’s ok, right? I bet you have a kink or two of your own. Use this as a way to get your own fantasies satisfied. Plus, I guarantee that giving your partner pleasure will make you happy too. Embrace it, enjoy it and own it right along with them! Just remember to have a safe word of your own so they know when you have hit your limits too.